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Handling Criticism With Honesty and Grace
A customer just called us to order 5,000 copies of a slim book I didn’t have years ago. He said that he wished that he would call early, before the groups were hard among the people in his company. Now, many people who oppose them are showing themselves the truth about why the rest are wrong. (Especially in times of conflict, we make negative assumptions about why others do what they do.)
I started talking as I knew immediately how I do that with someone who is close to me and loves me. It’s one thing to be an “expert” and teach about conflict resolution and it’s another thing to practice what you preach. Have some of you found that to be true?
So, here are some points from that book that my client underlined when he first bought it. They can help you as they guide me back to a more positive path:
Perhaps one of the most hurtful times is when someone is criticizing you. If you know it well, and make your sharp comment in front of others, it can cut deep. Knowing the level of your words can be quick in surgery and close to the bone, more damaging than a passing stranger’s rubber hammer. However, as the old saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us can make us stronger.”
Here are some specific ways to stay cool during a fire and even show grace under pressure that attracts people:
Notice How People Show You Their “Working Manual”.
People are most expressive when giving praise or criticism. Praise shows what they like most about themselves, and criticism often shows what they least or feel less about themselves, which means criticism is truly a two-way mirror. How can you respond to another’s criticism with honesty and grace and actually gain new insights about yourself and the other person in the process?
First Recognize That You Are An Animal Under Attack
Whether you are with someone you love, hate, or just meet, when you first realize that you are being criticized, you do the same thing. Your heart beats faster, your skin temperature drops, and you even lose your peripheral vision. Because you feel under attack, your first instincts are to focus on that feeling, making it harder. Then you feel like withdrawal or revenge. Please remember that with either physical response, you are saying, “I don’t like your comments; therefore, I will give you more power.”
Don’t Let Others Determine Your Character
Both the fight and flight responses leave you with few options – not more – so try to do neither. When you focus on your feelings, you will be surprised to hear what is in your other person’s words, and this will make it more possible for you to act instead of choosing how you want to act. Avoid “eye-off” of escalation of comments between the two of you.
Instead, imagine a triangle of three things: the other person, you, and the subject of the criticism. Imagine the two staring at the opposition, the third point in the triangle, to work through the comments, instead of staring each other down, where one person has to be wrong.
See Other People’s Good Thoughts, Even When They Turn Out To Be Wrong
If you are most disarming when you praise someone else for taking time to give you feedback. It took the wind out of their sails. Another may even go back. However our first instincts are to find ways that are right and others are… less right. In response to criticism, the role of defensive emotions grows rapidly.
Praise What You Want To Spread
Why? Because we tend to think about the wise, rational, and “right” things we do, while we notice the negative, unexpected, and otherwise wrong things the other person is doing, leading us to get a higher position or fair, more hard. , and hear less as the criticism continues. As difficult as it may seem, try to remember the worst side and the best side of the other person as you respond to the criticism.
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#Handling #Criticism #Honesty #Grace