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Personal Development – How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie’s Personal Development top 3 techniques for influencing people show simple but effective things we can all do to influence others. I have been reading this book ‘How to win friends and influence people’. You really should get a copy.
It is one of the best sellers of all time, that people just kept talking about so I picked up a copy.
Success books are about giving you advice, or some motivation or some training to move you from one place to another. We really become the sum total of everything we attract. I enjoy reading these books – anything that can help me become a better person I need!
Sometimes these books are so clever, so basic that you wonder why they are best sellers, how they are talked about so much for so long. I mean – this book was first published in the 1930s. But I’ve seen that for many people, they were never taught from childhood how to relate to people, how to care about someone else. themselves, how to really connect and lead people – these books will blow you away. down so simply, anyone can improve their relationship.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie gives 3 tips in the first part of the book: Basic Principles in Managing People. See how you rate yourself on these, they are important in our personal and business lives.
1. Don’t criticize, blame or complain
Criticism, condemnation or complaint alienates and sets others against you. He advises:
‘If we are dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with intelligent beings. We are dealing with emotional beings, beings who are full of prejudice and who drive us from pride and vanity’.
Just think back to an experience where you knew this to be true. If someone has criticized you, even if it is right, does it make you want to help that person or do something to make them happy? Or does it make you a little withdrawn, or angry, upset or angry.
The person who is criticized tends to justify themselves, because they only see things from their own eyes. The fault is not theirs but others.
All criticism does is make people defensive, angry and hurt. Eventually there will be a situation that needs to be changed.
Scientists have proven in case studies that “animals that are rewarded for good behavior will learn much faster and retain what they learn more effectively than animals that are punished for bad behavior”.
Encouraging good things, having self-control and great character should be the goal of all of us. ‘A great man (or woman) shows greatness by the way he treats lesser men’.
There are some people who live to complain. Those customers who call or email and just want to rant, or maybe you have kids and they haven’t done what you’ve asked ten times before. You need to decide what kind of person you want to be known for. Learn patience, understanding and ‘say the good of all’.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
Dale Carnegie’s observation here is that ‘the deepest drive in human nature is the desire to be important’. When we can make people feel important you will get instant traffic. Take the time to thank others, acknowledge their contribution to something, notice even the little things that others do around you – they will open their hearts to you because you have cared about what they care about – themselves!
‘This is a gnawing and insatiable hunger of man, and the rare person who honestly satisfies this hunger of the heart will hold the man in his hand and ‘even the investigator will be angry when he dies’.
One of the greatest assets you can develop in yourself is the ability to truly appreciate and encourage those around you. Be generous in your praise and acknowledgment to everyone you meet. Not in a false, technical way but actually reach out and connect with the truth – it will reap unbelievable rewards.
He tells a story to illustrate this fact:
According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of her hard day’s work, placed a pile of hay in front of her people. And when they indignantly asked if he had gone mad he replied: “What, how did I know you would notice? I have been cooking for men for twenty years and all that time I have not heard a word and let me know that you are not just eating grass.” When they did a survey a few years ago on wives who ran away, what do you think is the main reason why wives run away? It is ‘lack of appreciation’. And I’ll bet that a similar study of runaway vehicles would come out the same way. We tend to look down on our spouses so much that we don’t let them know that we appreciate them.’
This is not flattery we are talking about, or personal words to comfort someone but genuine appreciation and acceptance. You may be working in an office where there is a cleaner who goes by and doesn’t stop to say thank you. You can pass the receptionist or supermarket checkout assistant and not take the time to make them feel great. Such a simple thing can make you influence and favor wherever you go.
3. Bring the other person up in need
There is a word in this section that is interesting, it says:
‘The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it’
He explains by saying:
“The world is full of people who are hugging and looking for themselves so the rare person who tries to serve others has a great opportunity.”
As a business owner you want to sell something to someone. This is a great idea for your marketing.
What does your customer want? In their words, what are they looking for? When you can give them what they want, then you can show them how to get it, you will have unlimited power to help your customers get exactly what they are looking for. ‘Action emerges from what we originally wanted…’.
‘Tomorrow you may want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will not allow us to rush into a situation carelessly and talk in vain about our desires.’
He quotes Henry Ford as saying:
‘if there is a secret to success, it is the ability to take the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s point of view and from your own’.
If we all just took some time and worked on personal development and paid attention to those around us, treating them as we ourselves would want to be treated, think how great it would be . That feeling of acceptance and importance will build relationships both personally and professionally. These keys really start to stand out from the ordinary, you will “get friends and influence people.”
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